About a year and a half ago, I had dinner with a female friend. She and I have never had a physical chemistry and that being said, we have been friends. She was on and off with a guy that I have never met but have friends in common with. Six weeks later, they were engaged, and 3 months later they were married. The last time I spoke to her was about 4 months ago. She called me earlier this week and asked me to dinner.

Last night we went to dinner. She wanted to go to a nice restaurant, and I went with the flow. In the car after I picked her up, I asked what her husband was doing. She said that he was working. I asked if he was going to meet us out after he got off work. She said no. There were a couple of other things that were said, during that car ride that did not really register at that time, but in retrospect gave me pause to suspect her motives.

We had dinner, and she wanted to talk about her life in general. It turns out that her husband is working two jobs, and they never see each other, etc. I was then suspicious about why he was not meeting us out because he got off of work around 9:30 and we started dinner around 9. The more she spoke, the more she sounded dissatisfied with her marriage. They are struggling to make ends meet, even though, she has a pretty good job in sales. I suspect it is because she has some expensive hobbies that is reserved for the upper middle class. When the check came, I threw in a credit card expecting her to do the same, but she did not and just said thanks and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

At first I was upset about this, then I realized that she is struggling financially, but I felt used. She asked me to dinner, and friends don't suggest a high end restaurant if they cannot afford their share. But I have friends who do more extravagant things for me, so I chilled out about it. Yet, I could not help but think that she was using me as a chump who would take her out when she wanted to. Instead of confronting her about it, I decided that I would just consider it community service. She then took me to a local bar that I have not been to in about 8 months. Her friend was working the bar, and giving us free drinks. While we standing there and hanging out, she started close talking me and throwing her large breasts on my chest. This was in front of her bartender friend who knows she is married. I felt a bit uncomfortable at this point.

Luckily, a couple of her friends eventually showed up at this same bar. When they came by, I stood around for about 30 minutes and asked her if she could get home. She said that she could call her husband to pick her up, but she really appreciated the night because she needed a night out. So I left her with her friends and went to meet up with some of my buddies who were elsewhere and that is when I actually started enjoying the night.

As I look at this, I see a lot of messed up things at this point. As I have stated before on many occasions, that I'm no angel, but if you are going to make a commitment, you have to go all in. It is either 0 or 100%, nothing more or less. Commitment is hard and I have for the most part failed at it. But she chose to get married to this guy, and now is doubting things when things are rough. It doesn't work that way, and to make him work 2 jobs to support them when she only works one is a load of shit. It is time to cut some expenses and sacrifice for each other until they can be in a position where they can live in the way she feels fit.

Second, although I have the cash to go on dates and take people out for special occasions, this was neither, and so I felt railroaded and taken advantage of when the check came. I shouldn't be too bothered by this, but I only talk to her once every 4 or 5 months. It is not my role to take her out when she feels like it. I don't want to sleep with her, and I will never let that happen, but I know that she has neither the means or the intention to take me out or hang out with me when I am feeling down and out. And I don't expect her to ever do that.

The more that I think about it, and some of the things that she said and has done in the past gives me the impression that she wants to upgrade her husband. I definitely am not up for that considering how crappy she is treating him at this point. She knew that he was not the financial the most stable person, so it was unrealistic to think that it would be different after they got married. What was she thinking? If she wasn't willing to compromise and sacrifice for her marriage, then she shouldn't have married the guy. If she wanted a guy to pamper her and take the lead, then she should have married someone else. So as much as I am trying to feel sorry for her, I cannot.

It didn't help that she lit me up after I left with text messages to check to see if I had a good time, thanking me for the night out, and seeing if I got home okay. I did not respond to any of the texts last night or this morning.

"You have a better chance of having sex with a girl if she hates you than if she considers you her friend..."

I guess my life has been messed up lately, and a couple of weeks ago, I went out to a gentleman's club. Now there are the times when you go to the dollar store wanting to deal with the contractors who are all business, and then there are times when you want to go and actually pull the girls out of the club to have sex with. In retrospect, I am not sure how I was feeling about going to the dollar store that Sunday afternoon. When we got to the "home office" as we like to call it, there were not too many patrons there. I had not been to a dollar store in town in about 6-8 months. My buddy and I would go there and we each had our favorites-- the girls who were all business, but we would gladly pay their way through college one dance at a time. I suspect my favorite retired, and the last time we saw each other, we violated a whole lot of the strip club rules. At this particular time, I did not see her, but I saw my buddy's favorite. She is all business to him, but he wasn't with me on this trip. She saw me and sat on my lap. She started telling me all about life in the past 6-8 months that we had not seen each other. Prior to this, she had said all of 10 words to me at the dollar store.

Something in me decided that I would basically revert to a-hole mode with this one. We bantered back and forth and she tried to play the nice girl giving me a chance card. Obviously, she thought that I could be one of her regulars. She wanted to get my number, so I gave her the number to my bat phone not expecting to get a call from her. She left with the afternoon shift. But before she left, I did not give out any real information that she could remember.

The next day at lunch time, I got a call from her when I was driving. She was on her way to work and wanted to see what I was doing. She asked me to stop into work to see her. I just laughed at her. She was taken aback because obviously she thought that I would jump at the invitation. My response:
"I think that you have gotten me all wrong."
"What do you mean?"
"Honestly, do think that I'm a sucker?"
"No, why?"
"Listen honey, I'm not going to be one of your regulars, and I'm not going to just throw my money at you."
"I'm sorry, I just wanted to see you."
[Hahaha] "That stripper talk's not going to work on me. I'm happy to hang out with you, and I'll always pick up the phone when you call, but I'm not going to call you and I'm not going to put any energy into it. This is all you. I'm not going to visit you at work and pay to talk to you. That is not my style."
"Sorry, I really do want to see you again."
"Maybe we can hang out after work."
"You want to call me when you are done, I am going to go in for a few hours."
"I told you that I'm not going to do that. If you want to call me this evening, we can talk."

After that conversation, I realized two things, first that I had some disdain for the way she was trying to manipulate me. Two, I felt alive playing this game with her. We were on a path that runs straight off a cliff. We did not end up meeting up until the next night. She called me at lunch time the second day, and I just laughed at her. This time, I busted out the "I'm not going to pay for your daughter's private school or your son to go through ITT Tech." The insults kept flying, and the more of an a-hole that I was to her, the more that she wanted to make me dinner. So I went over to her house for dinner, and she was very nice. She was trying to manipulate me with kindness, and I was not having any of it. We had fun joking around, but obviously she was fascinated by the fact that I was immune to her feminine mind tricks.

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, during our conversation, I was able to set the ground rules. She had never told me her real name, and I called her out on it. She was about to tell me her real name when I stopped her and said, "I'm having too much fun. I really don't care what it is." She wanted to tell me, but I told her if she did I would walk out the door and not talk to her again because she would have ruined it. I told her we are even because she knows my real name, but she doesn't know what I do, and I know what she does.

By the end of the evening, we were having sex. The sex was okay, but not particularly ground breaking. I did not feel an emotional chemistry to her, and there was a part of my that was beginning to realize that the game was not very interesting. When I left that night, she asked, "Are you going to call me."
I laughed and said, "That's not the kind of relationship that we have."

After much contemplation on my drive home, I realized that I detested her but she did not hate me. We did not have any really chemistry, and to make the sex really intense, we needed to have hate sex.

What is hate sex? Isn't that an oxymoron?
There are many different kinds of sex, and perhaps some of the most earth shattering sex that I have ever had has been with someone that I have mutual disdain with. Love and hate are to two sides of the same strong emotion, and to truly hate someone and have them hate you back lays the foundation for an explosive connection. I am not talking about the pathetic daughter in the Graduate asking "Why do you hate me so much?" I am talking about a strong woman knowing that there is a mutual connection of strong negative emotion charging the air. AND THIS IS MY MISSION. I have not had hate sex in a very long time, and I feel alive playing this game.

At this point, I have yet to call her, even though in the past several weeks, she has called me and we have had two mediocre sessions of sex. We also went out for coffee yesterday evening after she got off work. She is now pushing to know specifics about my life-- what I do for work, etc. I just laugh it off and ask "Why do you want to ruin the now with that stuff?" That is the truth. When you are hanging out with someone that you know nothing about, you can be truly open and you can live in the right now. I am having a good time.

I will be honest, though, I did give her a clue. She asked me on the phone yesterday before meeting up, "Why won't you tell me anything about you?"
"We are having a good time, and we are living 9 and 1/2 weeks style."
"You mean like the movie?"
"Yeah you remember it?"
"I've seen it, but I don't remember it."

In the movie Mickey Rourke plays a character who has a tryst with a woman. He controls her but does not tell her anything about himself. She finds an alumni magazine from the university that I went to, so I thought it was appropriate. I am not sure that my stripper friend will figure any of this out. I am sure that she has rented it though. It may give her a clue on how to get some equal footing. Honestly, before she can hate me, she has to feel like we are on equal ground. This has to be a close match and right now it isn't anywhere near that.

At this point, I have complete contempt for this woman. I cannot explain why, but every time I talk to her, I am putting her down in some way or another, and she takes it, actually enjoys it. It is completely the opposite of the front that she puts up when she dances. And I suspect that she likes being dominated in one way or another in her private life. She has not asked for freaky stuff yet, but I suspect it is on the way.